Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Leos are going to be out there.
[00:00:01] Speaker B: Are going to be out there, man.
If you have a question, You can simply ask your trusty dear cre.
[00:00:34] Speaker A: Hi.
[00:00:34] Speaker B: Hi.
[00:00:36] Speaker A: I never know how to start these things. I know, right, well, happy Pride.
[00:00:41] Speaker B: Happy Pride Month. Happy Pride Month.
[00:00:43] Speaker A: Yeah. So today we wanted to jump on here and just talk a little bit about Pride, a bit of a focus on Pride in Toronto. I think a lot of our listeners know about Pride in the context of the US and Stonewall, and I think, like, we're good about knowing, like, you know, Pride started as a riot. It's always been surrounded by activism, resistance and allyship and sticking up for our LGBTQ community.
But what I think people may be less familiar with is Toronto's history with Pride.
[00:01:19] Speaker B: Totally. And just to give listeners sort of an agenda for today, we're going to talk a bit about this Toronto history. Again, that is kind of, I think, hidden from a lot of us. And then we have some other Toronto events to highlight that might be a little more niche or a little more low key compared to, like, the big Pride celebrations.
[00:01:36] Speaker A: Like the Off Broadway.
[00:01:37] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly. And then we also want to talk a little bit about joy and pride sort of more generally and as kind of like a skill that we can get better at experiencing, because I also don't want us to put so much pressure on, like, the Pride weekend in Toronto and that being everything, because there's other ways to foster that feeling outside of just this month and those days.
[00:02:01] Speaker A: Yeah, I mean, pride. I think a lot of people think of the Pride Parade when they think of pride.
And, you know, that that can be great for some people and is good visibility and all and has all sorts of things wrapped up in it. But that's not pride for everyone. I mean, we never even go, no, sorry, no.
Anyway, so the first Pride in Toront was actually at one of our kind of queer landmark locations, and it was actually a picnic at hanlons in the 70s.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Amazing.
[00:02:34] Speaker A: Yeah. So Pride in Toronto started as kind of this small scale activism with picnics and demonstrations on Toronto island, focusing on queer liberation, protesting, you know, the societal discrimination that was taking place at the time. And then it really starts kind of ramped up and grew in the early 1980s when there were actually these raids on bath houses in Toronto.
So on February 5, 1981, police raided several gay clubs and bath houses, leading to the largest mass arrest in Canadian history at the time.
And so the outcry against these raids caused massive demonstrations, which basically energized the queer community and transformed Toronto's Pride into a large political demonstration that became a yearly event. So before, it was more kind of these casual things that were going on on Toronto island. And it actually wasn't until 1990, 1991, that the Toronto City Council officially recognized Pride.
[00:03:38] Speaker B: And that's why that's not that far back in our history, really.
[00:03:41] Speaker A: No, it's not.
[00:03:43] Speaker B: That's cool, because, I mean, there's parallels, obviously, that we can draw to the US and stonewall this was after this. But it's often this big kind of pushback from the oppression that galvanizes movements in different places. And this is the same thing that happened here, which is amazing.
[00:04:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
So today's Pride is basically a mix of celebrations, activism, unapologetic visibility, and often a major opportunity for a lot of our queer organizations to do their major fundraising.
I think of groups like Random bull Railroad, the 519 friends of Ruby Campfire, and so many more. So, yeah.
[00:04:25] Speaker B: Amazing. I had no idea that it started on Handlins. And that's, like, very sweet to think about.
[00:04:31] Speaker A: Yes. And if Doug Ford comes for Handlands, I'm.
Us queers are going to be. Need to be at the front lines of that, because lest we forget and what we just talked about, that is what Pride is about. It is about standing up for our rights and our spaces, and queer spaces are sacred, and that includes handling.
[00:04:54] Speaker B: I wonder if there's a way to make that historical, like, historical place.
[00:04:59] Speaker A: I don't know. I know we have some very smart listeners, so let us know.
[00:05:05] Speaker B: I actually might.
[00:05:07] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:05:08] Speaker B: Okay. That's amazing. I love that. And again, it's also.
It just reminds us, like, when you think of places like Hanlons and stuff, there are other ways and other places to celebrate Pride rather than just truly downtown in the Gay Village during Pride weekend.
[00:05:23] Speaker A: Yeah. I think there's a lot of people who, when Pride is mentioned, they're like, oh, that's not really. For me, it's like, you know, it's just. It's about partying and drinking and all of that. And yes, that is a part of it. And getting to express yourself and be visible and have those spaces and is a pillar of the queer community. And the only thing a lot of queer folks had for a long time. But it's not the only thing now, which is great. I think you have some.
[00:05:55] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, I was just kind of doing some brainstorming and looking around too, for other events and even just other things in general that people can do. Like, you can lean into. If you're a reader, like, lean into reading more essays, more memoirs, something by like Audre Lorde or James Baldwin.
You can find local LGBTQ organizations too, and volunteer or donate your time. If you can't donate your money.
[00:06:20] Speaker A: There's also so many events that happen kind of in the margins of quote unquote, Toronto Pride.
[00:06:26] Speaker B: Totally.
[00:06:27] Speaker A: There's sober events, there's picnics. I know Chrissy Pitts has a picnic every year.
[00:06:32] Speaker B: You can look for ways in your own environment, whether it's like your workplace or your online environment or whatever, to think about ways to make that more inclusive or, you know, increase visibility.
You can do your own writing, making art, put it out there in the world. Like there's other ways to engage in the movement without it being going to a massive party.
[00:06:54] Speaker A: Yeah, I think my favorite thing about Pride is all the different parts of it that we kind of drop into. Dev and I have a tradition of doing the Pride and Remembrance Run every year we're going to different events that aren't just kind of about the partying and getting together.
[00:07:11] Speaker B: And there's other social events too. I found there's cafe in the East End. Cafe Zuzu.
[00:07:16] Speaker A: Oh, I didn't know that cafe.
[00:07:17] Speaker B: Yeah, they have, they have queer. It's called the Queer East Social and they do have one in June. It's. It's called Juneteenth with pride. It's on June 19th. So it's meant to be more of like, it centers black and trans experiences.
And again, it's more about like conversation and discussion. It's not, you know, a massive like dance party that might be overwhelming to some people as well. So it's meant to be more of a.
Yeah, more of like an authentic low key experience.
There's Eastend. I saw East End Kids Pride, Eastend Queer Arts Market.
Pride Picnic is happening at Christie Pitts and Hanlons has their Les beach event too, I think happening first thing in June.
So there's lots of events that are like, that are queer focused. Oh, and I also found apparently the Toronto Public Libraries often have a lot of programming too. I found they have like a speed friending which I thought was really.
[00:08:13] Speaker A: You would find that.
[00:08:14] Speaker B: Yeah, a book club, a paint night, a cookie decorating thing in early June. So you can always look and see if your local library is doing something as well.
[00:08:23] Speaker A: Amazing.
Do you have any kind of traditions or like things? What do you look forward to for Pride?
[00:08:31] Speaker B: So I find, I truly find the thought of Pride a little overwhelming, to be honest. So fair, because I'm also balancing time with my daughter and it's her birthday as well around Pride, too. So I find it, like, the thought of it is a little tiring ahead of time for me to be like, how am I going to do this? And then also do that and, like, enjoy doing all of these things and
[00:08:52] Speaker A: not feel I'm already sending you parties that I want to go to.
[00:08:55] Speaker B: Yeah, exactly. So I'm, like, trying to sign up for some things and just commit to a few things, but, like, I do want to leave my time open other than that, you know, just to be able to, like. I like going down the green space.
I must admit, I used to find that more of a overwhelming to go there because sometimes it's just. The problem is I'm a noticer. I see everybody. I see everything, and I don't necessarily want to see everybody in everything.
So I've learned to. Like last year, we had a really good strategy where we kind of just locked into the, like, a certain spot.
[00:09:28] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: And it was where people could come see us as they were coming. Yeah. It's a little off the path, but enough that you could see people. But what I found more overwhelming previous years was, like, doing too much walking through the crowds, but staying in one, staying put, and then being with, like, your people and then also just happening to see other people was like, a really good, happy medium for me.
[00:09:51] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:52] Speaker B: Yeah. How about you?
[00:09:55] Speaker A: Well, yeah, so like I mentioned, the Pride and Remembrance run has. Has been a bit of an annual.
I love going to the Trans March.
[00:10:02] Speaker B: Yes. March.
[00:10:04] Speaker A: And then I think it's just a great opportunity to catch up with friends because there's kind of just. I feel like more energy and folks who you might not see all the time and these kind of bigger groups happen because. I don't know, for me, it's. It's an opportunity for. It's like everyone and everyone come on in that, like, inclusive nature.
Yeah. Our group has usually had, like, a annual Buddies night. And. Yeah, that's. That's a highlight for me for sure. As well as steers.
[00:10:40] Speaker B: Steers and queers.
[00:10:41] Speaker A: Yeah, as well as steers and queers.
[00:10:43] Speaker B: So, yeah, let's. That reminded me, we have some listeners who specifically mentioned that Buddy's night.
[00:10:48] Speaker A: Oh, shall we? Shall we? Yeah. So we put out a call for some of our listeners. Traditions. Is that how we did it?
[00:10:54] Speaker B: And I think both Brad and Josh mention going to Buddies with their best gay buddies and allies.
[00:11:01] Speaker A: Yeah. So we have buddies in bad times on the Saturday and Or Sunday with all my queer and ally friends. Someone mentioned the AIDS vigil at Barbara Hall. Every damn year, we can't forget the. We need the reminder.
Buddies with you, my loves. Hey, Nick.
Oh. This listener wrote, pride means reaching out to someone who's still scared to make sure they aren't alone. We love that.
[00:11:29] Speaker B: Right? That's amazing.
[00:11:31] Speaker A: Also, someone said, first Pride out at 41. How cool is that?
[00:11:36] Speaker B: I know. And I did actually talk to that listener a little bit too over DMs, and it was just great to hear. I sort of probed. I was like, well, what are you going to do? How are you feeling about it? I congratulated them and asked what their plans are. They said, going to try to get out to Pride events. I've got social anxiety, but I've been working on it and hopefully I'll make some new friends. Deaf in need of queer community. And actually then they gave us a shout out to the POD for the support. And they read my chatelaine article that I wrote years ago about coming out later in life, and they said it helped them move forward. So that was really special to hear. And again, this notion of social anxiety, like, I think it comes up with a lot of people, definitely, because it is overwhelming and we put so much pressure on that weekend.
[00:12:19] Speaker A: So.
[00:12:20] Speaker B: And we'll get into a little bit later. But this notion of like, kind of small wins in terms of feeling joy, feeling pride, and kind of celebrating even small victories when it comes to finding queer community or putting yourself out there
[00:12:32] Speaker A: at Pride, you can, you can totally dip in and out. And even, you know, I think a lot of people think, oh, we have to be attending these events. You can also volunteer at them. And I know sometimes, well, at least for me, if I have any kind of anxieties around things, if I have like a job that, that helps me, or bringing someone in on it and be like, hey, you can, like, you check in on me, or like, oh, I'm just going to dip out for a minute, or all those types of things.
[00:13:00] Speaker B: Totally. And even when it comes to the run, which you guys do every year, even if you're not a runner, you could go and walk the 5K and you'd meet so many people, too.
[00:13:09] Speaker A: Also, the cheering squad is, like, really nice. And what I love about it, it's Saturday mornings and it's, it's very family friendly. There's like people walking with in strollers and like, it's just. It's great.
[00:13:21] Speaker B: Another listener said, I literally never have worked the Friday Sorry, let me say it again.
I literally never have worked the Friday of work during pride. I argue we should always get it off, and I've never had resistance. If people get religious holidays, we get pride.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: Absolutely. And I would say also the following Monday, but thankfully, usually it's around Canada Day, so.
[00:13:43] Speaker B: Yeah, good point.
And I think that's all. Is that all we got?
[00:13:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
So, yeah, lots of. Lots of good stuff in there.
[00:13:51] Speaker B: Okay. So I was also thinking about the notion of joy and pride more generally.
[00:13:55] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:13:56] Speaker B: In terms of, like, when I think about, for example, my family, we are. Part of our currency is complaining about things.
[00:14:04] Speaker A: I love it.
[00:14:05] Speaker B: That's how we connect. That's how, like, we find common ground is through complaining about things. But I learned a handful of years ago that this was actually really affecting my ability to experience gratitude. And so I actively worked towards experiencing more gratitude and learning how to feel it, because it's one of those things that as our. And similar to joy and pride, there is a natural element where we have a natural affinity towards feeling those things, but there's also a socializing layer. And if we're not socialized to notice those things, we notice. We don't notice them. Right. And then there's. So that kind of. It's in that way, it's kind of a skill. Like, it's something you can foster. And so that made me think of this pride and what people can do, especially if they're struggling with. With feeling joy, feeling pride. Because, you know, truly, probably anyone who's ever come out has struggled with feeling pride after feeling shame about who they are or, you know, whether that was internalized or just, like, explicitly forced upon them by, you know, their family or religion or culture.
So it had me thinking about that and some particular ways that we can foster joy and pride and gratitude.
[00:15:20] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:15:21] Speaker B: And gratitude. Yeah. So one is recognizing when something is worth feeling pride or joy about. Like, which sounds so simple, but really it's as simple it is as. To a certain degree, as simple as that. Like, recognizing when there's something in your environment or something that you've done or experience that you can actually recognize. It's like, oh, I can feel proud about this.
[00:15:44] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:44] Speaker B: Or this is a moment of joy and actually just recognize it.
Because we're so trained, either socially, but also it's kind of in our DNA as the human species to notice bad things and to notice threats and things. So we have to train ourselves to be like, hey, this is. I can feel proud about this in this moment. And the second part of that is letting yourself sit in it and feel it for longer than you normally would. Because often it's, it's often we like brush it off or move on quickly to like, oh, but I didn't do it as much as this or as much as them or comparison or whatever you go to next, but just like actually sitting in that moment of feeling joy or pride or gratitude.
[00:16:25] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:16:26] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:16:26] Speaker A: Yeah. I think those moments when I look around and see like so many friends and even people I don't know creating this collective moment, it really warms my heart. Like, I think it's just so beautiful. Yeah.
[00:16:39] Speaker B: And I think, I mean, I think you're very good at that. You, you and Dev are really good at sort of creating the environment that make. That makes joy more likely.
[00:16:47] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:48] Speaker B: You know, and that is another, that is another way that people can do that for themselves too, is actually sort of setting up their environment in a certain way or setting up more events or more get togethers or, or even time alone. Yeah, it could be.
[00:17:01] Speaker A: Or even just like reaching out to someone and maybe seeing if they want to go do something with you.
[00:17:05] Speaker B: Totally.
[00:17:06] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:17:07] Speaker B: What else did I have there? But an important thing about this is that you can't force yourself because then it's kind of that toxic positivity and it's inauthentic and it might even backfire because you're trying to make yourself feel something that's inauthentic. It's more about kind of building an awareness and your ability to notice those moments when you can feel those things and when you should feel those things and then again sitting in them and being with them rather than dismissing them right away.
[00:17:35] Speaker A: Nice.
I think another thing to be mindful too, around pride, because there is so much going on, I think we can feel. I think you kind of touched on this. Like, we can feel like, oh, I have to go out. And it's. And there's like, there can be kind of this like FOMO quality, but knowing that you can't do everything. That's the point. There's so much going on, especially in a city like Toronto, that it's like, it's okay not to do everything.
[00:18:01] Speaker B: Yeah. Choose the things that you think will bring you the most joy.
[00:18:04] Speaker A: Exactly.
[00:18:04] Speaker B: And experience those to the fullest and then rest when you need to or take a break when you need to. And another element of this too, one last point, is focusing on the effort you've made, not necessarily the outcome. So if you do have social anxiety, don't focus on, like, you know, having a perfect weekend where you socialize so much, but being like, I'm going to check out this one event that I wanted to, but I've kind of been too nervous to, and if I stay there for half an hour, that's great. That's a win, you know?
[00:18:33] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:18:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:18:34] Speaker A: I love it.
[00:18:36] Speaker B: And one last point, which you sort of touched on is, you know, not comparing yourself to what other people are doing because there are going to be people who are more extroverted, have more money, whatever it is, who have more ability to celebrate in different ways.
[00:18:47] Speaker A: The Leos are going to be out there.
[00:18:48] Speaker B: The Leos are going to be out there, man. Right.
So don't compare yourself to the Leos. Compare yourself to the past. You. Yeah, that's.
[00:18:57] Speaker A: Oh, I love that.
[00:18:58] Speaker B: If you had never done that before, if you were too shy to try, and now you're gonna do it. Like, that's your point of comparison is a previous version of yourself, not what anyone else is doing.
[00:19:07] Speaker A: Yeah, that's that. That adage comparison is the thief of joy.
[00:19:11] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:19:12] Speaker A: And pride, I think when it really comes down to it, is about having, like, joy and love for who we are.
[00:19:21] Speaker B: You want to find your joy, not anybody else's.
[00:19:23] Speaker A: Yeah. Find your joy.
[00:19:24] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:19:25] Speaker A: Not no one else's.
Seeing as Pride Month is just kicking off, we would love to hear any events and things that y' all are looking forward to, and we'll be sure to shout them out in our stories and share them with everyone. But, yeah, we hope everyone has a safe, fun, whatever that means to. To each individual pride. And if you're an ally, show up.
[00:19:48] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:19:49] Speaker A: And we also just want to let listeners know that this is our last episode of the season. We're going to be taking our own advice and getting out there and really just enjoying Pride.
[00:20:00] Speaker B: So our goal for the summer? Well, first of all, we do need a break, too, but we want to still put out some content. So every month we're going to be posting, like, reposting, basically a replay of one of our favorite episodes from the season.
[00:20:14] Speaker A: I'm thinking Boundaries and a few other gems.
[00:20:17] Speaker B: Yeah. And then we'll be back in the fall. Yeah.
[00:20:21] Speaker C: Have a great summer.
[00:20:22] Speaker B: Have a great summer. Enjoy Pride. Bye.
[00:20:25] Speaker C: This has been another episode of Dear Queer. Just a reminder, we are not actually experts. Any advice given should actually come from our experts, who we will bring in from time to time. Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan, produced by myself, Lauren Hoggart, and your host, as always, Elena Papayam.
