Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: You're like the Steve's Jobs of lunches. Honestly, Turtleneck, if you have a question.
[00:00:14] Speaker B: I love you, you can simply ask your trusty dear cre.
[00:00:33] Speaker A: Hello.
[00:00:34] Speaker B: Hi.
[00:00:35] Speaker A: Happy New Year.
[00:00:36] Speaker B: Happy New Year.
[00:00:37] Speaker A: Wow.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: I don't know where the years have gone, really.
[00:00:41] Speaker A: All of them?
[00:00:42] Speaker B: All of them. Especially this last one. But overall they seem to be getting faster.
[00:00:47] Speaker A: Yeah. Is it a case of, like, before pandemic, after pandemic, or, like, what are we talking here? Maybe as we get further from that?
[00:00:56] Speaker B: Or is that also just age? I think.
[00:00:58] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:00:59] Speaker B: Yeah. It makes you maybe feel it a little quicker.
[00:01:03] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:03] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:05] Speaker A: Well, welcome to Dear Queer. Today we are talking about resolutions.
Are we making them? Do we have them? Do we hate them? Are we not into it, bad for the ep?
[00:01:19] Speaker B: If so, I mean. Yeah, seriously, stop listening then. I mean, I've. I don't. I've been.
I don't. I don't have them every year.
[00:01:27] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:01:27] Speaker B: Necessarily. But I feel like the way I live my life is kind of resolution Y. Anyways, so always working on. There's, like rolling resolutions.
Most of the time there's something happening. So it's not. It's not like I'm So in a way, maybe it's more embedded rather than, like, at the end of every year, I consider.
[00:01:45] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:45] Speaker B: What to do.
[00:01:46] Speaker A: Do you.
Well, first, did you make any last year?
[00:01:51] Speaker B: I did not. No. I don't think so.
[00:01:54] Speaker A: We won't unpack those then.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: Yeah, I don't think I had the mental space to do that.
[00:02:01] Speaker A: Yeah. And. Well, I guess then logical. Next question. Are you making them this year?
[00:02:05] Speaker B: I mean, I've thought about them for the sake of the episode too, and they're good ones, too. Like, they're ones that. They've been percolating anyways. It's been things that have been.
Yeah. Just bubbling.
[00:02:17] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:02:18] Speaker B: Bubbling in my brain anyways. Should we get right into them?
[00:02:22] Speaker A: Yeah, I. I will say. Okay, I'm. Yeah, I'm gonna say my piece about resolutions. I kind of like to look at it.
Like, I think resolutions can kind of carry some baggage and they can set us up for failure in this way when people just pick, like, oh, I want to. Okay, here's one that I might have picked in the past. I want to be able to sit down at my desk and work for eight hours a day and not just be totally chill. Like, that's never going to happen. So I like to think of them, or at least the more successful ones I've had in the past is where it's more Of I'm setting an intention.
[00:03:00] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:03:01] Speaker A: And then there's kind of another subcategory of Kohl's that might be more kind of achievable.
[00:03:08] Speaker B: That's really smart because you have to set yourself up for success for this. And I think that is the mistake that a lot of people make is they set the bar so high.
[00:03:16] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:03:16] Speaker B: Or make it feel like such a thing, such a huge thing, that if they don't complete it, it is a failure. And then you're just made to feel worse than you did when you started out.
[00:03:25] Speaker A: Yeah. And I very much believe that if we even just, you know, sharing them in this format and saying them, like speaking them out loud to your friends and partners.
A few years ago, Devin and I, we actually had a similar intention for the year, which was kind of interesting, was around just kind of leaning into our queer community and showing up to that. And by. I don't know, I think by, like, speaking it out loud and, like, sharing that with someone else, it really did become a reality for us and something that I'm really, like, proud of and love. Yeah.
[00:04:00] Speaker B: And I think that's what you did by saying it out loud and to each other was you made yourself more accountable to it. And, like, someone else could hear it then, too. I know I've done things like that where, like, even if it's a matter of changing a bio on my insta to be like, I am this, like, when I first wrote, like, writer, then I'm, like, committed to that. Okay. So this is part of my identity. This is what I'm committing to being as well. And, like, living this truth. So I totally get that intent. And maybe we should call it that. Maybe we should call it their New Year's intentions instead of resolutions.
[00:04:30] Speaker A: I'm down.
[00:04:31] Speaker B: Okay. Thank you for that edit. That was a very important edit.
[00:04:36] Speaker A: Oh, good.
[00:04:37] Speaker B: So, yeah, I've been thinking.
I sort of wrote down a bunch of stuff and then figured out a couple categories they fall under.
[00:04:44] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:04:44] Speaker B: You know what I mean? Because there were, like, multiple little things.
And the first one on my list is having needs.
And, like, unapologetically having needs. Whether it's the need for rest. Oh, taking it and not feeling guilty for it.
And now in light of I. So I just got an autism diagnosis a couple of weeks ago, too. And that has helped me feel more almost like, allowing myself to understand when I do need things. Be like, oh, no, I do need this, and I don't have to feel bad about needing this. Or, like, it's Too different to need this, you know, so just kind of leaning into, like, okay, this is what I need in this moment, whether it's in relationships or friendships, externalizing things. Because I think I've also just like, kept all these things inside for so long and kind of internalized needs and not felt like I've been able to. To have them or like, you know, shrink at the idea of. Of expressing them. So that's one that came out for me.
[00:05:46] Speaker A: I love that one too. Because especially for folks who are socialized female, you know, we often have to shrink. And so I think stepping into that and even, you know, being a parent too, I can imagine where it's like you're so often propping up and supporting everyone else's needs and it's like, yeah, I truly think that, like, our. The best version of ourselves is the one where we take care of ourselves and those needs. So I love that.
[00:06:15] Speaker B: Okay, what's on your list?
[00:06:17] Speaker A: What's on my. Okay. Well, I feel like you might have more than me. I'm going to have to, like, slow roll my nose.
[00:06:22] Speaker B: That's okay.
[00:06:23] Speaker A: Okay. So I have, I have, I have one big intention for the year and then I have some. A couple, like, goals.
[00:06:31] Speaker B: Okay, nice.
[00:06:32] Speaker A: So which do you want first?
[00:06:36] Speaker B: Let's go. Big intentions.
[00:06:37] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:06:38] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:38] Speaker A: So my big intention for 2025 is basically just to be more present, which sounds like one of those kind of lofty things. But it's like, I just, I really want to slow down and lean into the moments that I'm in. So, like, next year, Dev and I are getting married. We're being super gay and having a family wedding at west as, you know, and a friend wedding in Toronto. But, like, those are like, I am so looking forward to it and I don't want to, like, rush past it. Yeah. Or miss anything. Like, I just want to soak it all up.
[00:07:20] Speaker B: That's amazing.
[00:07:22] Speaker A: And so, yeah, I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to make sure I do that, but I'm putting it out here.
[00:07:26] Speaker B: Well, I mean, just the fact that you have that on your mind, you'll maybe notice yourself, like, rushing through a moment or being distracted and be like, oh, no, like, this is it. I'm in it right now. So why am I worried about that at the moment? You know?
[00:07:38] Speaker A: So it's the thing. I've been looking, like, I've been so looking forward to this and I feel like I'm going to blink and I don't want to miss it. Yeah.
[00:07:45] Speaker B: Oh, I Love that. Okay, Well, I can remind you if you want. That's lovely.
[00:07:51] Speaker A: I think, actually, if I think about it too, that was why it was important.
I felt a part of why it was important to kind of. I separate. Sounds weird, but kind of focus on family at one of the events so that I can just be so fully with them. I'm so excited for our families to spend time together and get to know each other and not have the distraction of, oh, whoa, like, I hope my friends are having fun. And then the friend thing is kind of.
I can just focus on that and not worry, like, oh, is my mom okay? Or whatever. Like, what's grandma doing?
[00:08:22] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's a really smart way to.
[00:08:25] Speaker A: Keep just the structure of it is, like, to keep that, like, presence in mind.
[00:08:29] Speaker B: Awesome.
[00:08:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:30] Speaker B: That's amazing.
Okay. Should I go for another one?
[00:08:34] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:08:35] Speaker B: Okay. This one is kind. I didn't really know how to phrase it.
[00:08:40] Speaker A: Okay.
[00:08:41] Speaker B: But maybe let me preface it before I give you what. I sort of came up for it. So in thinking about what we sometimes do when we, like, seek out relationships or, like, dating or whatever, what we're looking for is, like, a feeling of excitement, something to be excited about.
[00:09:03] Speaker A: Right.
[00:09:05] Speaker B: And I want to generate my own excitement.
[00:09:09] Speaker A: Hell, yeah.
[00:09:10] Speaker B: And so I've already started doing that a little bit with, like, solo. More solo travel trips.
[00:09:15] Speaker A: Okay. Yeah.
[00:09:16] Speaker B: It's just like, where I'm not. Where I'm literally not relying on anyone else in any way to make it a good trip.
It might involve less dating. Like, I've already cut down on the dating apps.
[00:09:29] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:09:29] Speaker B: Because that just feels like that's maybe what I'm looking for there too. But it's. It feels pretty empty.
[00:09:35] Speaker A: Like, I. I can. I can create that.
[00:09:37] Speaker B: Yeah. Like, so maybe that'll force me to meet more people in real life when I am trying new things, writing, making more things, like, making new things. All those things are exciting to me. So it's like looking for different pockets of excitement and also, like, being the. Being the generator.
[00:09:59] Speaker A: Yeah. And like, not having that dependent on some sort of relationship which is outside of your control. Yeah.
[00:10:05] Speaker B: And if. If someone comes in to the script who fulfills that and ads, then that's great. But I'm not reliant on it to fill any gaps.
[00:10:16] Speaker A: That's perfect. And I mean, the cliche or thing, too, is, like, when you're out doing all those things, that's what draws people in. True.
[00:10:29] Speaker B: Yeah, that's true.
[00:10:31] Speaker A: What Dev recently told me too, that when we first Started dating. One of the things that attracted them to me was that I, you know, had just finished a film and had to go to this place and was, like, doing a lot.
[00:10:45] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:10:46] Speaker A: And. But it was like, oh, this is someone who is great on their own and like, you know, can then is fulfilled. Yeah. Yeah. So I. Yeah, good one. I like it.
[00:10:56] Speaker B: So that's my second one.
[00:10:57] Speaker A: Okay. My next one is a little vain.
[00:10:59] Speaker B: That's okay.
[00:11:02] Speaker A: I have gym goals.
[00:11:03] Speaker B: Oh, that's great.
Yeah.
[00:11:07] Speaker A: So I.
Yeah, I just. I have a number for my back squat that I want to hit.
[00:11:13] Speaker B: That's sick. I mean, I can't say I'm back squatting. I still have to work on my. The basics of my back. Yeah, but that's sick.
[00:11:21] Speaker A: Yeah. Gains, Gains.
[00:11:23] Speaker B: I Love that swole.
[00:11:24] Speaker A: 20, 25.
[00:11:26] Speaker B: That's sick. I need to go to your gym is what I used to do.
[00:11:28] Speaker A: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:11:29] Speaker B: I'm still. I'm still. I have my personal trainer, but still I'm not going enough.
Okay. And then the third one I have down.
I mean, I guess it sort of fits with the first one a little bit, but I just wrote, like, permission. That is so it sort of fits with the having needs one. So it could relate to, like, any rest or accommodations that I need permission. Like, literally could be permission to have, like, the same thing for lunch four days in a row. Because it saves me so much mental energy.
[00:12:00] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:01] Speaker B: That. Yes. Like, why wouldn't I do that?
[00:12:03] Speaker A: You're like the Steve's Jobs of lunches, which is turtleneck.
[00:12:06] Speaker B: Yeah. Whereas other people might be like, yeah, I got it. Like, I need something new every day. I'm like, no, that is exhausting and tiring. And if it. It saves me so much energy. So things like that just being like, yes, eat the same thing, however many days in a row because it makes you happy, actually.
[00:12:22] Speaker A: That's amazing. Yeah. I think routine and neurodivergence is very helpful.
[00:12:26] Speaker B: Yes. Yes.
[00:12:27] Speaker A: Just saying.
[00:12:28] Speaker B: That's where. That's where it fits in. But I didn't realize that I was, like, trying to have all these different things all the time. And then I was, like, wasting food because I'd forget was in the fridge. And, like, because I was trying to have so much variety when really I. What I need.
[00:12:41] Speaker A: You want and love what you like.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: Yeah. And it'll save me the energy.
Permission around, like, just writing all. All the things, too. I can have a little bit of hesitancy now that I don't know, the closer that I get to maybe some things Being published that I've written, like that can make me a little nervous to be like, oh, who's going to read this? And maybe not like this, or is like. Especially if it comes to family members and things. And. And so it's just. I'm becoming a little more aware of that, but I don't want that to. To dampen what I'm actually writing.
[00:13:20] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:13:20] Speaker B: And so just permission around making things, writing things, being truthful. I want to learn more about unmasking and the ways I have been masking and so, like, permission to. To just be you, to just be me. And however it comes out, it comes out okay.
[00:13:37] Speaker A: Yours all work very well together.
[00:13:39] Speaker B: I guess so. Yeah.
[00:13:40] Speaker A: And I would say that they feel more like intentions than resolutions.
[00:13:44] Speaker B: True.
[00:13:45] Speaker A: Yeah, true. Not that I necessarily know the full distinction.
[00:13:48] Speaker B: No, I mean, but resolution sounds like it's like something drafted into law and stamped and signed that there's a penalty if you break.
[00:13:56] Speaker A: Yeah. Intention feels more like turning course a.
[00:14:00] Speaker B: Little bit and just going closer towards something. You don't actually have to hit it, but if you're pointing in the right direction, then that's. Then that's what you should be.
[00:14:07] Speaker A: Right. I like this. That's awesome.
[00:14:09] Speaker B: How about you?
[00:14:10] Speaker A: Okay. Well, mine's very short and sweet. It's in the gold category and it is. Drink more water.
[00:14:17] Speaker B: Oh, my God. Well, you need to.
[00:14:18] Speaker A: I know. I just. I think I have to become a Stanley girly.
[00:14:24] Speaker B: Although I just saw a thing where they were exploding. Some of them were exploding the bottles from having hot stuff in them.
[00:14:30] Speaker A: Oh, my gosh.
[00:14:31] Speaker B: Yes. So look into that before you buy anything.
[00:14:34] Speaker A: Already ruined. Day three. What are we at?
[00:14:37] Speaker B: Gotta get a new bot bottle, new company.
[00:14:39] Speaker A: Yeah, but.
[00:14:40] Speaker B: Okay, yeah, drink more water.
[00:14:41] Speaker A: And honestly, I think that is always a resolution. So I don't know what's going to. Honestly, that one I'm most daunted by.
[00:14:49] Speaker B: You probably need electrolytes. Do you have. Do you drink electrolytes?
[00:14:51] Speaker A: I do. I have a little bit of electrolytes in the morning before the gym.
[00:14:56] Speaker B: No, drink it during the day.
[00:14:58] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Look at this.
[00:14:59] Speaker B: Tips. That's what my naturopath has me do it.
[00:15:01] Speaker A: Okay. This is. I mean, I. So I'm working with a naturopath and I mean every doctor and person I ever see always tells me I need to drink more water. But in addition to a few other things that I'm gonna try and incorporate, like the water and sleep. I mean, we know the things.
[00:15:16] Speaker B: We know the things.
[00:15:17] Speaker A: We know all the things Dev makes Fun of me that every time I buy a new water bottle, I'm like, this is gonna be the water bottle that changes my whole life and makes me hydrated.
[00:15:29] Speaker B: And then do you lose every single one?
[00:15:31] Speaker A: Yeah. Or I just don't use them.
[00:15:33] Speaker B: You don't use them?
[00:15:33] Speaker A: Yeah. Okay. Yeah.
[00:15:34] Speaker B: We need to just attach a little camelback thing to you all the time.
[00:15:39] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:15:39] Speaker B: Have you seen you go to the sippy straw?
[00:15:41] Speaker A: Okay. One thing I will say for folks working on goals and these types of things is a thing that I have that has helped is tying it to something else I already do. Right. So what I do in the morning is before I have my coffee, I fill my mug up with water. And so then I have to drink the water before I get what I really want, which is the coffee.
[00:16:03] Speaker B: Smart.
[00:16:04] Speaker A: I forget what it's called, but when you kind of like, pair things.
But that only takes us till about 6:30 in the morning.
[00:16:12] Speaker B: And then. And then you don't drink anything else. Also, you don't actually don't want to drink a lot around meal time.
[00:16:16] Speaker A: Oh, okay. Why?
[00:16:18] Speaker B: It dilutes your digestive.
[00:16:19] Speaker A: Oh, okay. So you want to focus on the sodium.
[00:16:21] Speaker B: Eat. And then like within, I guess now or half an hour, an hour later, that's when you can like drink a bunch and then same thing.
[00:16:28] Speaker A: Okay. Maybe we need to do like a. A New year nutrition episode. Nutrition episode. Get some tips.
[00:16:34] Speaker B: Get an expert on here.
[00:16:36] Speaker A: Cool. Yeah, I think that's all I have. That's all I have. All right, so hopefully this keeps us accountable.
[00:16:42] Speaker B: We're set for the New Year, then we don't need to change. Change anything else. That's it.
[00:16:48] Speaker A: Dialed in.
[00:16:48] Speaker B: Dialed in. We're done.
[00:16:50] Speaker A: Yeah. Folks are listening and you've made it this far. We'd to hear some of your resolutions or intentions or goals or just even things you're thinking about for 2025, because we're hoping it's a good one. This has been another episode of Dear Queer. Just a reminder, we are not actually experts. Any advice given should actually come from our experts, who we will bring in from time to time. Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan. Produced by myself, Lauren Hogarth, and your host, as always, Elena Papienis.
[00:17:22] Speaker B: I'm getting that.
