Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: But that it actually, what would happen is they'd get together and write poetry and play games and be flirtatious.
If you have a question.
[00:00:18] Speaker B: I love fear, you can simply ask your trusty dear Queen.
Dear Queen, you.
[00:00:38] Speaker A: Hi.
[00:00:38] Speaker B: Hi. How's it going?
[00:00:39] Speaker A: Good. Happy, Happy Valentine's Day.
[00:00:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Happy Valentine's Day back.
So today we're going to talk about Valentine's Day. Some options to do if you're single, and also Valentine's Day as a whole as a concept. Basically kind of how we feel about it as opposed to any other day of the year.
[00:00:59] Speaker A: Love. I. I did some.
I'm. I'm a prepared person.
[00:01:03] Speaker B: You're a researcher today.
[00:01:04] Speaker A: And I was like, where. How did this St. Valentine greeting card, candy heart holiday.
[00:01:13] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:01:13] Speaker A: Start?
[00:01:14] Speaker B: And I want to know because I feel like I probably learned it at some point but have completely forgotten.
[00:01:20] Speaker A: Well, you may or may not be surprised. There's some. There's some dark origins.
[00:01:23] Speaker B: Not surprising.
[00:01:24] Speaker A: Yeah, that's the title of my dark origins.
[00:01:28] Speaker B: That's funny.
[00:01:29] Speaker A: Okay, so if we go back to Romans, there could be this Emperor Claudius responsible because apparently he executed two different men on different years on February 14th, both named Valentine.
[00:01:46] Speaker B: Right.
[00:01:47] Speaker A: And then so basically they started being celebrated for their martyrdom by the Catholic Church.
[00:01:52] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:01:53] Speaker A: So that's, that's one piece, another thing. And you know, it's all. We're staying in the Catholic kind of popedom religious world. The other thing I read was basically it was kind of as like an answer or to stomp out paganism.
[00:02:12] Speaker B: Right.
[00:02:12] Speaker A: So basically there was this fertility ritual in February. And so basically the Pope proclaimed February 14th St. Valentine's Day. And because the pagan.
[00:02:24] Speaker B: The pagan thing was bad. Right. It was literally like basically assaulting women, if I remember correctly. Oh, gosh.
[00:02:31] Speaker A: Might be.
[00:02:32] Speaker B: Yeah, I think something like that. So that's why the Pope tried to be like, let's not do that. Let's make this like, I can't exactly remember. Maybe we should quickly look up while you're.
[00:02:40] Speaker A: Yeah, we can. Yeah. I mean anything around fertility and ritual probably wasn't great for women. Virgins.
Yeah, any. Anything.
[00:02:51] Speaker B: In that era, men randomly chose a woman's name from a jar to be coupled with them for the duration of the festival. This is the feast of Lupercal. Something like that. Oh. I mean, sometimes a couple stayed together until the following year's festival. I love this over time nakedness during loopers. Salia Lost. Popular. So I don't know, but seems like that might have been the.
It's not Telling me more. But, yes, basically there was. That was. The pagan festival had to do with. So, yeah, I guess he was just trying to make it his own Catholic version of it.
[00:03:28] Speaker A: Yeah. Must be sanctioned by the Catholic Church.
[00:03:31] Speaker B: Yes. So maybe not necessarily as dark as I first imagined, but still. Probably something. Still probably some.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: I'm thinking it's safe to bet there was some problematic parts of that festival.
And then I guess it's not until the Middle Ages where it kind of turns to this romantic thing. So there was this poet, and I'm probably gonna mess up the name by the name of chancer in the Middle Ages, who was the first to link it to love.
And basically this marked the start of the tradition of expressing love and admiration in secret.
[00:04:05] Speaker B: And at first, Valentine's. Cause I remember when I was writing an essay about card giving, I did look up what the first cards were about. And Valentine's were some of the first cards that became kind of mass produced. And it wasn't always about romantic love, though. You'd give them to your friends. You'd give them to, like, anyone. You.
It wasn't necessarily about romantic love.
[00:04:25] Speaker A: I personally love a friend card.
[00:04:27] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:04:27] Speaker A: Like, yeah, our gym is doing this really cute thing where there's this wall of Valentine's that you can send that you just, like, write and decorate and you can put up on the wall and it's really cute. Can send it to your gym bros.
[00:04:41] Speaker B: Right? And this is. I mean, this is one critique we could make of Valentine's Day as a whole, that it puts too much pressure and focus on the idea of romantic love.
[00:04:50] Speaker A: Totally. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'll tell you one more funny thing. So now we're in Europe in the high court, kind of still probably Middle Ages, maybe. I read that there in the high court, female judges would rule on issues related To Love on February 14th. Oh, now, don't fact check me. This is just what the Internet told me, but that it. Actually, what would happen is they'd get together and write poetry and play games and be flirtatious.
[00:05:18] Speaker B: Oh, my God, I love this. Can we. I want to do this.
[00:05:21] Speaker A: Sounds queer.
[00:05:21] Speaker B: I'm just saying I want to do that anyway.
[00:05:24] Speaker A: So those are some of my. My fun facts.
[00:05:26] Speaker B: Okay. That's very cool. Thank you for those. So what I thought for today was partly we could kind of, you know, for people who are single and are looking to do something as an alternative to Valentine's Day, what can they do?
[00:05:38] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:05:38] Speaker B: But I also want to highlight things like we just said, how it puts Too much pressure on romantic love. There's other forms of love in your life that you can celebrate, whether it's family or friends or chosen family or, like, whoever is meaningful to you. I mean, it could literally be your pets, too, you know, Like.
[00:05:57] Speaker A: Yes.
[00:05:58] Speaker B: As it should be. Right. So I think it's important to broaden the focus on Valentine's Day. And I. I do love the trends of, like, Galentine's where it's, you know, you go or you hang out with your. With your girlfriends. And I think that's one, I don't know, significant. Like, it's a new take on Valentine's Day. Thank you, Parks and Rec for that and Amy Poehler.
[00:06:19] Speaker A: So Palantine's.
[00:06:21] Speaker B: Well, Galentine's. I think Valentine's is probably another. Yeah, Valentine's is probably another. Exactly. And then the other thing I want to point out again, although we will go through, like, a list, so there are things you can think of doing instead. I want us. I want to also think about, like, why are we making one day of the year so important? Like, if Valentine's Day makes you feel sad because you're not, you know. You know, you're not partnered or you don't have a significant other or a girlfriend or whatever.
I. I don't want us to feel like it's so deeply meaningful or it should send us into a dark spiral. So cheesy, you know? And I mean, it. It's so commercialized, too, at this point, and there's so much pressure to do things for people that, I mean, it almost.
I don't know.
[00:07:14] Speaker A: And also, too.
Oh, I'm just picturing. I'm thinking about your essay on the car on, like, greeting cards and things like that. And everyone can picture the card aisle during Valentine, like, leading up to Valentine's and the pink stuff. And it's like, all that stuff is also, like, the bear. Like, the least you could do. It's like, what. What adult actually wants, like, a teddy bear, a box of chocolates, and a heart card?
[00:07:41] Speaker B: Totally. Like, ew. Yeah. And that shouldn't. Like, if that's what's saving your relationship anyways, that shouldn't be, you know, the thing that saves your relationship or makes your partner feel like you care about them. Like, it should. It should be something we think about all year round.
[00:07:58] Speaker A: Totally. Versus, like, getting little notes. And it's like, I think you can have kind of, like, a Valentine state of mind throughout the year. And I mean that with, like, friends, romantic partners, family members. It's just Like, I think of it as just little small gestures. And my personally, my favorite ones are the ones that don't cost anything. Sometimes a note with your lunch or someone thinks of you on their way over and brings you a coffee. Those types of things, I think are the best.
[00:08:31] Speaker B: Yeah. Because they feel meaningful and they come out of nowhere rather than being prescribed on a certain day of the year. And another thing that I was thinking was it's not on Valentine's Day. Like, I've been single for, for a while now. It's not on Valentine's Day that I miss having a partner or significant other. It's like when, when you feel like you could really use some support on a, on a day.
[00:08:58] Speaker A: Right.
[00:08:59] Speaker B: Or you would like someone to be checking in with you or you need help with something and you just don't have anyone around. Like, it's, it's not necessarily that day that feels like, that feels significant, but it's like those other times during the year when you're like, you know, it would be really nice to have to feel supported in this moment. So again, there's too much pressure put on just that one day.
[00:09:26] Speaker A: So, okay, we're taking the pressure off of it. It's not just about the 14th. What are some things that folks can do if they're kind of looking at this Valentine's Day and feeling a little uneasy?
[00:09:38] Speaker B: I mean, if you feel, if you're really kind of triggered by seeing what other people are doing, just literally swear off social media for that day, that day and the day after. Yeah, just don't check like, because if, if you're going to see something that's going to make you feel bad or you're going to compare yourself to, or you're going to feel left out, then literally just go do your own thing and don't be checking in on that unless it's your close friends and it's something you want to check in on. But you don't have to be engaging as much as usual if that's something that bothers you.
[00:10:19] Speaker A: And this isn't to say if you enjoy it and love giving notes to friends and all that stuff, by all means. We're not, we're not saying, like, you have to write it off like, oh, yeah, no, you can embrace it. We're here for the sappy stuff too.
[00:10:34] Speaker B: Oh, absolutely. Like, and that's why, you know, the Palentine's, the Galentines, those are always amazing options. And it doesn't have to be on Valentine's as well. It can Be the day before, the day after craft night. Right. You can do, like, anything creative that's going to be fun and just like something that you love doing and that you will, I don't know, just feel, like, immersed in and feel fed by.
[00:10:59] Speaker A: Nice.
[00:11:00] Speaker B: Yeah. Okay. What else do I have here? I mean, there's the kind of classic treat yourself. Love that stuff, which is also from parks and Recreate yourself. Yeah. So you could treat yourself to something, whether it's, if you can afford going to a spa or going away for the weekend or you don't even have.
[00:11:18] Speaker A: To pay to go to a spa. You could just, like, set up your own little home.
[00:11:21] Speaker B: True. Totally.
[00:11:23] Speaker A: You know, get that extra fancy bath bomb.
[00:11:25] Speaker B: Yeah. And just like, order in that night or whatever.
[00:11:28] Speaker A: Smoke a joint in the tub.
[00:11:30] Speaker B: Exactly. Like, take out, bake something if that's something you like doing. Like, whatever. Feels kind of treat yourself. Yeah. Treat yourself, like, a little luxurious, a little extravagant for you for that day.
[00:11:41] Speaker A: I love that.
[00:11:42] Speaker B: Yeah. Yeah.
[00:11:42] Speaker A: I don't think I've ever really done the, like, go to a restaurant on Valentine's Day or, like, that just gives me the.
[00:11:50] Speaker B: Well, and then you're just, you know, you're surrounded. There's just nothing. It doesn't feel as authentic.
[00:11:55] Speaker A: Yeah. Although it's funny because, so Dev and Haley's birthdays are, like, right around Valentine's Day. Dev's or Haley's birthday actually is on Valentine's Day.
And so I think we might do a double date. Cute. And if. If it falls right on Valentine's Day, I'm actually kind of like the sociologist in me or anthropologist in me. I want to see people on dates and I want it to be like. Like, I want to have just be observing everybody.
[00:12:23] Speaker B: Yeah. He was uncomfortable. Yes.
[00:12:26] Speaker A: Is this the first. No, man. I mean, imagine doing a first date on Valentine's Day.
[00:12:30] Speaker B: I mean, I'm sure. I'm sure people do it sometimes, but that seems crazy to me.
[00:12:34] Speaker A: That's too high stakes.
[00:12:36] Speaker B: Yeah. I mean, unless you could do it almost ironically to be like, look how ridiculous this is. Like, how funny is this? Yeah.
[00:12:43] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:12:43] Speaker B: And just, like, going over the top.
[00:12:45] Speaker A: Okay, well, maybe that's a suggestion. Yeah. Go on, Tinder. See if someone wants to go on a first date. Ironic Valentine's first date.
[00:12:53] Speaker B: Like. Yeah. And they probably won't want.
[00:12:55] Speaker A: Please write in.
[00:12:56] Speaker B: But yeah, let us know if it works for anybody.
What else was I thinking? I mean, anything that makes you feel good. Literally. Like, if working out is something that you love doing or, you know, like going on a long walk or going to the gym is going to give you the endorphins, make you feel good after. Just go do that. Even anything that makes you feel better than you did the few hours before you started doing it is a good Valentine's Day option, I think.
[00:13:24] Speaker A: Yeah. I also love those.
The box of Valentine's Day cards in school.
[00:13:31] Speaker B: Oh, yeah. Like the little kids.
[00:13:33] Speaker A: The little kid ones, I think. Send a bunch to some friends. I think that's fun.
[00:13:38] Speaker B: That's a cute idea. Yeah. You could set up a little Valentine's exchange. Even if you wanted to. That's cute.
[00:13:42] Speaker A: Or like a cookie exchange.
[00:13:45] Speaker B: Lots of options. You could go to events that are already existing. Go to a comedy show, go to a concert. Go to something. You know what I mean? Because it's not necessarily going to be all couples there.
So.
[00:13:57] Speaker A: And honestly, at a comedy show, chances are the. The people who do go as couples are the ones who are going to be read.
[00:14:04] Speaker B: Oh. And they're going to get roasted. Or at least they're going to. They're going to be involved in the crowd work. So sit at the back.
Pro tip or on the side. And don't make eye contact.
[00:14:14] Speaker A: Yeah, yeah, but. But don't. But don't do it too hard.
[00:14:19] Speaker B: No, but don't. Not. Because then you'll also be called out.
[00:14:21] Speaker A: Unless. Unless you're way more outgoing than comfortable in that social circumstance than either of us.
[00:14:27] Speaker B: Yeah. I also saw. I was kind of looking up other people's ideas, too. Some people suggested volunteering, which I know we've talked about before, and I think this came up. I can't remember which episode. The idea that, you know, the fundamental idea there being that when you give, you feel good. Like, you know, there's some benefit to that. So if you feel like volunteering in something that. That's meaningful to you or just something that's in your city or locally, that's also great because you are doing something good for other people. And yeah, you'll definitely feel better after that, too.
[00:15:01] Speaker A: I like it.
[00:15:02] Speaker B: I really think that's all I have pretty much. Oh. Or the other thing is so much of kind of doing something you love, anything that makes you feel better. You could also just try something new, like maybe you sign up for, I don't know, workshop to do something you've never tried before. Pottery class, sewing class. There's tons of things that happen, you know, that are. At least in Toronto. There's lots of little things going on all the time that are like, that so you could just go on blogtio or on whatever, even find like a local clay studio or something and just see what they're doing.
[00:15:33] Speaker A: Or go to your local bingo hall. That's super fun.
[00:15:37] Speaker B: Go to bingo for sure.
[00:15:38] Speaker A: Get a pink dabber. And you know what? Valentine's done.
[00:15:42] Speaker B: Oh, my God. That's such a great idea.
That's such a great. Oh, my God. Maybe I want to do that.
Yeah, I do want to do that, actually. I've decided.
[00:15:54] Speaker A: Anything else we want to say about, like, being single or. I know we. We've said a lot about it in the past.
[00:16:00] Speaker B: I mean, I feel like there's a general.
General push away from online dating. A lot of people are tired of it, are apathetic about it. And I think going out, just going out into the community, whether it's like, stuff. Just doing stuff. And I think one other thing to do, which I'm trying to do right now too, is like finding new groups of people.
[00:16:26] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:26] Speaker B: Because in any city, the queer community can feel so small.
[00:16:30] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:16:31] Speaker B: So I think that way you discover you're like, oh, I've never seen these people before.
[00:16:36] Speaker A: You infiltrate, like, a different, like, queer.
[00:16:38] Speaker B: Pocket in the city, and then where.
[00:16:40] Speaker A: Have y'all been those times?
[00:16:42] Speaker B: Exactly. But it's also. But it may. It expands your world a little bit and makes you feel like, okay, it doesn't. It doesn't have to feel as dismal as it can sometimes when you're just, like, seeing the same people online or whatnot. So I feel like anything you can do to sort of expand your community, whether it's.
[00:16:57] Speaker A: Go to the East End.
[00:16:58] Speaker B: You like to read. Yeah, go to the East End. There's, like, reading clubs, there's movie clubs. Like, just to do anything that expands your world a little bit. You might end up with just new friends. But that's great.
[00:17:11] Speaker A: Also, you can follow Elena on TikTok and look at their queer events that.
[00:17:17] Speaker B: They keep posting, so. Oh, I wish we had an update for this one, but this will be too late for my Cinnabon event.
[00:17:25] Speaker A: When's that one?
[00:17:26] Speaker B: On the 12th.
It's a Wednesday, so this is coming at the next day.
[00:17:31] Speaker A: Okay, so. Well, you just had your Cinnabon event.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:17:34] Speaker A: At the deaf mall. There's probably gonna be some more events coming.
[00:17:38] Speaker B: Yes. I'm trying to.
[00:17:39] Speaker A: Brainstorming communities.
[00:17:40] Speaker B: Yeah, I'm trying to brainstorm different events. I might collaborate with a friend and do. Who's a tailor and do, like, some sort of event in their space. I'm thinking about. Yeah, I'm thinking about something for writers or just people who love to read as well, and maybe even a literal, like Gus Taco Tuesday night, where we just show up and tacos and. And mingle. So, yeah, I'm trying to brainstorm different events for that same reason that it's, you know, bringing people out to meet new people. No matter how introverted and shy you are, it's always lovely people who show up and just. Or just open and just want to chat. Right.
[00:18:22] Speaker A: It's like you take that one step out of your comfort zone and it can. Can change the whole landscape of. Of your social life and all that. So we love it.
[00:18:30] Speaker B: Yeah. So we're all about just expanding. Think about expanding and, you know, especially beyond just the thought of Valentine's Day and it being so uber significant when really, you know, it doesn't have to be that kind of romantic pressure. It can mean other things to you, and it can actually just be a really lovely day where you celebrate whatever love there is in your life.
[00:18:53] Speaker A: Music brought to you by Sean Patrick Brennan, produced by myself, Lauren Hogarth, and your host, as always, Elena Papienis.
I'm getting that.
